Told you so.
I get it now. All those people out there who have told me that you need to cut yourself off from someone after you break up. I now understand why. And I give you permission to tell me, “I told you so.”
I thought Matt and I had set some good parameters for our breakup that would still allow us to remain in each other’s lives on some level. In terms of us moving on, we had discussed sharing milestones with each other – the first time we went on a date, etc. - but really, only talking about our relationship with another person if it was at the point that they had become a serious partner. This, conceptually, makes sense and when we agreed to it, we also expressed how we are both in full support of each of us finding someone that fulfills us more in all aspects of our life. Objectively, it all sounds great. But what happens when there are feelings? What happens when you can’t help but start to feel sad, or lonely, or jealous at the thought of your ex growing closer to someone else?
After a conversation that led to an argument that led to an outburst of tears, we knew we couldn’t do this to each other. This phase of the breakup is bringing out the worst in me and we knew we had to just eliminate any talk of other people – milestones or not - and if we are to talk, to only talk about the basic things in life like work or our career goals. I think transitioning from life partner and best friend to mere acquaintance that can only really have “small talk” is what hurts the most. It’s amazing that even though I always considered myself independent, I am completely attached to this person who I have shared so many years, and fears, and experiences with, and I’m struggling to find the best and least painful way to let that go.
“Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours.”
“Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it’s a big part, and sometimes it isn’t, but either way, it’s a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you’re alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another.”
~ Jim Butcher
“Sometimes there are things in our lives that aren’t meant to stay. Sometimes the changes we don’t want are the changes we need to grow.”
About the photo: This is from a wedding Matt and I attended in Puerto Rico for my friend, Forrest and his wife, Chrysten. As we were sitting at the ceremony, something fell from the sky and hit me right on my head. Like hard. When I picked it up, it was this – a coconut in the shape of a heart. At the time, I felt like this literal hit-in-the-head had to mean something, but I never quite figured out what it could be.